Fortunately for much of the world, there are two pieces of smoked ham in the fridge.
We're having both for dinner.
Pit the ham on the pan, the big iron pan. We are not kidding around this evening.
Let it simmer covered at about half heat, swapping the over and under occassionally. At some point, it's mostly done, but not yet fit to eat.
Take off the lid, cut away the bones, and toss them.
Remember that Mama would gnaw these bones all night. You do not have to, not yet anyway.
You will, however, retain the fat edges. We both know that's the best part.
Slice the ham into bite-sized pieces. Let it simmer uncovered until it starts to burn.
Put some paper towels on a plate, and put the ham on the paper towels.
It would be better to use the Melmac, just like Mama used.
Leave the pan covered for the night. You'll want the renderings for use with tomorrow's breakfast.
Now find a beer, preferably not a light one. This is no time for a light beer.
Jimmy's lager will do quite well tonight. Try not to think about there being only two left, which means tomorrow starts the light stuff.
Talk about potential suffering.
Chow down! Try not to eat the paper towel.
The paper towel would taste good, but it'll do better in the campfire you need to build.