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Monday, January 18, 2010

The 10 Stupidest Things Pat Robertson Ever Said

http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/funnyquotes/a/patrobertson.htm



The 10 Stupidest Things Pat Robertson Ever Said

10. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." –Pat Robertson

>Pat and the Church Lady see eye-to-eye regarding saying a prayer against us. Anyone else would be charged with threatening SCOTUS.

9. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson

>When last I checked, is was the evangelical Christians who were tying the homosexuals to truck bumpers for a little drag down the road. And then there's promoting the death penalty for gay and lesbian people in Uganda. Pat appears to have his good guys and bad guys confused.

8. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." –Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld

>Do you suppose King's Dominion in Virginia has the sane problem? KD only has a single gay day each year. Maybe that was the problem with Randy Parton's Theatre in Roanoke Rapids.

7. "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson

>Dang it! Women have an agenda too? And I can't even get hold of a copy of the gay agenda. I miss all the good stuff.

6. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." –Pat Robertson

>Spoken like a real man, for sure. He should have mentioned the requirement for long hair to facillitate being dragged back to the cave.

5. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial

>The one thing I find missing from this theory of intelligent design is any form of intelligence. This one is ripe for a little attention from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

4. "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke

>Such the loving god, this fellow promotes. It's no wonder his minions are many.

3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department

>Foggy Bottom could also use a Metro stop while you're in the business of reconstruction.

2. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." –Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

>Now isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?

1. "It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

>As Satan's public letter to Pat indicates, Satan doesn't work that way. A deal with the devil doesn't usually include an 80% poverty rate.

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