About me

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The joy of flying

The little plane that couldn't.

We landed with 15 minutes for me to move about a half mile to the departure gate for my flight to Raleigh.

American flight 428, Wednesday, 28 October.

I made it with 5 minutes to spare, which means no dinner.

We just heard that the mechanics are doing something. We do not know what. We were supposed to board at 4:35.

It is now 4:52. I suspect this could be interesting.

And tortuous.

5:00 Still no word.

5:03 Word is we have no word.

5:12 Silence. Welcome to how airlines balance their books on the backs of the flying public. And you thought the tiny seats with no legroom were a problem.

5:22 Word is we're still at it. Might board in 15 minutes.

5:25 It's the PA system.

5:35 Still waiting. Add another 15 minutes to the wait. I really despise this plumber's game. Just say you don't know.

5:44 I'm glad I ate the can of chips on the last plane. There is very little to eat in the A Concourse at DFW, with the exception of the hotdog selling bar. They have something they call BBQ also. Shudder. Oh yeah, there's a line for the men's room. When was the last time you saw that?

5:53 Still waiting. Might get an update in a couple of minutes. The people waiting for the Tuscon flight should stay in the area until the gate change can be announced. No wonder the bathros are packed.

6:00 The Tuscon plane finally has a new gate. Those guys have been sitting on the tarmac some ten minutes or more.

6:15 Starving. McDonald's. Is it any wonder I'm so fat?

6:22 The burger exploded on the first bite. I fished out the beef and trashed the rest. Well, I did save the pickle. Ate the fries.

Found special sauce on my pants. People keep asking where I found the food.

6:25 Sitting on the floor between the packed bathrooms. Loving the sweet odor of public sanitation. Got a bird's eye view of asses and luggage rumbling by. And company too. Go figure.

6:39 Stepping into the third hour. Just finished The Lost Symbol. Brown did well up until the end. He took too long to finish after the climax. Of course, I could be too grumpy to recognize a good ending.

6:43 Now we're waiting on a part to arrive from the hanger. That should take another 20 minutes.

What we have here is maintenance being done in real time at my expense, rather than swapping out the equipment.

For this, we get cheaper seats.

6:54 Bro asks where I am. I said hell. Where's that Monday morning heart attack when I need it? My heels are aflame. If I sit in the floor, the fumes from the bathrooms nearly suffocate me.

Wait. That might be the exit I need.

The ESL dude might have just said that all the other flights are full.

7:02 Three Vietnamese dudes with no English skills are trying to use the courtesy phone as a pay phone. That didn't work out very well for them.

7:11 The plug I used to recharge this phone is now dead. Maybe all this is the sign for me to find another carrier. You'd think that US Air might have asked where I went, but they never did.

Frankly, all the carriers blow chunks. Probably, my better effort would be to find gainful employment that did not involve air travel.

Maybe I should take up robbing liquor stores.

7:14 They say maintenance is finishing up. We'll have word in five minutes, along with the flying pigs.

I braved the bathroom lest I pop.

7:19 A very grumpy baby singing loudly has joined the group. The only thing to make this worse would be if we were sitting on the tarmac.

7:25 The great pratt sitting over there is offering unsolicited wisdom to the newly weds. I might puke on his shoes.

He should tell her that her carry on bag is officially too big.

7:28 We are boarding.

7:40 I am sitting on the plane. The overhead light is broken.

-- Posted from a mobile device


The Crow said...

Okay, okay...I am finally convinced. Flying is hazardous to one's health and well-being. I used to like flying Delta, but the last time I did, I thought I was in a remake of a Twilight Zone episode. I knew better than to look out the window, but I preferred that to watching the snot-drooling brat in the seat in front of me making faces not even a mother could love.

I feel for you, brother.


Jim Penny said...

It was better when I had status with US Airways. Then, I mostly flew in first class, except when I was on regional jets, which became more and more frequent.

I think I pretty much found my limit today.