Let me remove all doubt
Copyright 2009, Jim Penny
Word count: 176
Just in case some of you weren't quiet sure, let me go ahead and remove all doubt: I am an idiot.
It wasn't enough that I systematically administered food poisoning to my own self. Oh no. I had more talent to display. Oh yeah, I cut my tongue on a pair of nail clippers.
Now just how might one accomplish that, you might be wondering. Well, here you go.
I had used the clippers in the normal manner to remove a small piece of cuticle, and the little sliver of me stuck to the inside of the nipper. No, it wouldn't shake off, and I went to puff it away. While puffing, I apparently released the lever a little, and it started to pinch my upper lip. That motivated me to pinch on the lever a little, and that closed the nipper jaws.
Right through the tip of my tongue.
That was Monday night, and now you understand screaming you heard off in the distance.