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Monday, April 6, 2009

My new best bud

My new best bud
Copyright 2009, Jim Penny
Word count: 285

I must shout this from the rooftop! It's a hold the presses and alert the media moment! I have a new best bud, and this is an open letter to him.

There you were, sitting in the top exit at Mission Valley, waiting to turn right onto Avent Ferry Road. The right lane, which is a right turn only, was open, but you waited because it wasn't right for you. The second lane, which is a go straight or turn right lane, was open, but you waited because it also wasn't right for you. You wanted the fourth lane, though you'd settle for the third lane, both of which turned to the left, and both of which you could make work for you.

You waited and waited, as I sat in the third lane wondering if you might choose an alternative to claiming your rightful place in the left turn lane. You did, but you didn't choose as I might have expected. No, you pay more taxes than the rest of us. You turned into the second lane, stopped, filed your nails, backed up traffic half-way to Angier, and made everyone wait until the bus driver yielded and permitted you to pull into the left turn lane.

I wish I could have a license like yours.

Do understand that when I am Queen of the Realm, your sorry bohuncus would be strapped into that lane you blocked, and everyone you delayed would have the opportunity to mash you flat into the pavement.

Of course m'mama would just use the 50 caliber machine gun she always wanted mounted on her car for moments like that.

2 comments:

Laura said...

Oh God, Jim, I still can't stop smiling after reading that!!! I have had such similar thoughts so many times. This afternoon, I saw someone on Aviation Pkwy. stop traffic in just the way you describe so he could make a u-turn in the middle of the road.

Jim Penny said...

Is it any wonder why insurance is so high?