About me

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Game

The game
Copyright 2009, Jim Penny
Word count: 1415

I am pretty sure I am in a distinct minority here, that being that I haven't attended a sporting event since grade school. In grade school, I followed the Yankees with my daddy. He took me to the high school basketball games when I was in grade school, if it were not a school night. That all ended as I approached high school. The bullying. The macho nonsense. The pecking order. I really didn't feel that strong connection with all those thing I saw the animals doing on the farm as they waited to be taken to the slaughterhouse.

In 1971, I matriculated at Chapel Hill after having missed sporting events throughout high school. I graduated in 1975 with my nonattendance status intact. It's not that I had all that much against sports stuff. I just had other things that attracted me more. Besides, there was no way I was going to endure the monstrous crowds, much less the traffic. In addition, I could catch snippets now and again on TV, not that I recall sitting through an entire game since I watched the Yankees play baseball with my dad.

So what's the buzz today? I'm thinking of sitting up for the last game of the NCCA playoffs. Chapel hill is playing. I think Wisconsin is the other team, though I don't which school in Wisconsin it is. Surely, Wisconsin has more than one. The thing is that I recently discovered that the game comes on at 9 PM today. I am generally very close to my pillow by then, if not already there. We'll see how long I last tonight.

To prepare for the evening, I took care of some adult life maintenance this afternoon, which included grocery shopping, blogging, walking on a treadmill, and three naps. However, none of the naps count as club naps, or in the case, game naps, because they didn't occur after 3 PM. I also turned down dins with Bro and Samo because it was going to be so late in the evening. After wings and beer all evening, I'd need to spend the night out there.

So here I am, watching the History Channel and a show about cheese, waiting for the game to start, holding back on nibbling the pretzels and dip, and readying an interesting set of essays from Jennifer Layton from her recent book, Trap Door Confessional. Take Erma Bombeck, add several more human dimensions, translate it all to the 21st century, and there we are. Not a bad read, and sometimes, a rolling on the floor funny ready.

8:53 Lil called. She's not interested in watching either, though the pretzels and dip got her attention. I need to find the station, and give up on this history of cheese making.

8:56 Made a fresh Cuba Libre, and fetched the pretzels and dip. Sent Bro a text asking about which channel. He says WRAL on TWC's channel 3. I was already there on a hunch. I dislike the national commentators. They don't have the proper respect.

9:00 The game starts with a rock vid? I have been out of it way too long. WRAL has CBS commentators! This is so wrong. I should find a radio station, but I don't have a radio here. Probably too la;te to find one to stream. These guys do not understand which is the important team.

9:11 I suppose when a game starts at 9, it means that people start running their mouths about the game at 9. The way they talk, you'd think they had something to say. And is anyone asking about the long shorts the players are wearing? What happened to SHORTS???

9:16 How long does it take to start one game? I am bored out of my skull. I don't remember if I took the simvastatin tonight. Twitter is down for unscheduled maintenance. Someone is making memories.

9:21 Introduction of the players. I just realize that we're in Detroit, which means that Michigan is the erstwhile home team. Meanwhile, Chapel Hill is Tobacco Road? I wonder if that dipshit ever even read Caldwell's book? Not likely.

9:24 Gotta retip after three seconds. What happens when a player goes flying over the side of this elevated floor. Chapel Hill takes the tip.

9:26 Run and gun. I had forgotten the Glorious Four Corners Offense was no longer allowed. The shot clock is an abomination. This is Michigan State. Why is the University of North Carolina being forced to play a land grant college?

9:32 7 to 17, Carolina up. Could we call it now and get those shorts corrected?

9:37 7 to 21. Michigan is fouling right and left. At this rate, we'll be done early. How do y'all deal with the constant roar of the crowd? And here we go with the overhead camera! I wish someone would shoot whoever made that decision.

9:44 Chevy ad indicating Chevy has better mileage than Honda. Followed by iPhone ad with an ap for that. I gave up the history of cheese for this? I need more rum.

9:47 New Cuba Libre. Going to mute to read an essay from Jennifer's book. Wait a min...a palming violation? In this game? Meanwhile, Jennifer is six blocks into a marathon. Mute off.

9:51 Buzzer beathers?

9:54 16:36. Mute on. Carolina leads. Years ago on a sunny Sunday afternoon, I was watching the end of a game between, I think, Chapel Hill and State with my papa. He was a State fan, as was most of the family. I was a student at that other school. Chapel Hill was down by some 17 points with a half dozen seconds left in the game. Papa says, “What can you do in six seconds?” Well, there was no shot clock then, and Carolina made those six seconds last some half hour in real time. They also won. This was not the close game that motivated my bro to put his fist through the ceiling. Mute off. (These announcers sound a lot better muted. News 14 is not carrying the game.)

10:01 3rd foul for Green and a rebroken nose on the foulee. That might have been worth it.

10:04 Twitter is back up, but FB2Twitter is still down.

10:09 Taking a break from the roaring to catch up on Pam's House Blend. It appears that the guy who narrated the Bible CDs has been entrapped by the police. He was soliciting a girl under the age of 15. Well, the girl was a middle aged police officer, but on the net it doesn't matter. I suppose Focus on the Family has special training for these idiots.

10:21 Half time. Up by 23. That'd be enough just to call it. They won't. Meanwhile, the Fail Whale is up on the Twitter screen. I actually like that. It's unreasonable to think that your code will always work. It's quite reasonable to expect that it'll fail now and again, and plan for it. I suspect the Twitter coders also learn form those moments.

10:35 Blessed half-time break. I doubt I see the end of this. However, Jennifer, on her way to a marathon, has learned to pace herself. The people on the TV are boring even on mute. What's on Sci Fi? Star Trek!!! Whoever is in charge of blush in this episode should take it easy a little more.

10:48 The Star Trek episode is better than The Game. For that matter, today's laundry was better than the game. Of course, we do have new front loaders downstairs in the laundry room. An FB blogger just asked if the accidental nose break made up for the long shorts. I told her it would have if blood had been involved.

11:01 Back to the game just in time for a commercial. Mercedes Benz. Go figure. Star Trek is over. Something odd replacing it. A car wash without the rinse, followed by a Lowes ad. These guys should hire an ad agency, or at least listen to someone with an ounce of creativity. Back to the game. Bummer.

11:10 I have not missed a damn thing in the last 40 years. This mess is as dull as it ever was, though they now dress more poorly. Is this formalized warfare, as I heard a psychologist describe it all long ago? I hope not. The terrorists will win again if it is.

11:12 I'm outta here.


The Crow said...



Diana said...

I try to avoid watching sporting events on television at any cost... but, unfortunately, I am married to a sports nut, so I am forced to hear Jason's updates and theories of various sports and various teams (which I care nothing about). The only way I can stomach a sporting event is if I am watching it live and there is plenty of food and beer on hand.

Jim Penny said...

The rum help me through this one.