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Saturday, March 28, 2009

My Ribald Saturday Night

My Ribald Saturday Night
Copyright 2009, Jim Penny
Word count: 1528

So many of my friends, especially the straight ones, ask about what they see as the fanciful life of the footloose and free bitter old queen. Well, folks, here ya go!

4:00 Gathered the trash, grabbed the umbrella, and headed downstairs. Opened the lobby door. The bottom is falling out. I stand there several minutes. Where does all that water cone from, and why must it fall here and now, when all I ask is one minute to scoot the trash out to the dumpster?

4:10 Return upstairs with the trash in hand. It can wait until tomorrow. Of course if the lottery ticket is a hit, the staff will deal with the bag.

4:11 Loose the outdoor clothes in favor of indoor clothes. That's draws and a t-shirt if you must know. And bare feet. Think about doing a little laundry. Decide a screwdriver is more appealing.

4:15 OJ, rum, and computer in hand, I click on News 14. We'll have continual weather coverage shortly as the storms arrive. For now, it's Weather-on-the-Ones. Let me tell you, we hardly have enough news and weather, for a 15 minute broadcast at supper time. I do not know how these guys can keep it going.

4:29 Maybe I should give this up and go out tonight. The bar downtown has an interesting thing planned. Boxers, boots, and beer? Drag Bingo is happening over in Durham. A raft of rain clears my mind as it slams against the window.

4:31 Sever thunderstorm warning for Wayne and Johnston counties through 5:15. That'll be extended soon enough. Gary is the broadcaster on duty. He's from Dunn. Gotta love that part, even if he doesn't tweet. I wonder if we're related. McKinney just tweeted the warning.

4:33 News repetitions and reports of storm damage from yesterday. No mention of my aborted trip to the dumpster. Pam Spaulding tweets about space aliens in congress and their amendments to a domestic partnership bill. I'm not sure there's any surprise there, but I do like what she had to say. I did not appreciate snorting my screwdriver through my nose.

4:40 Insipid advertisements. Firing up Facebook.

4:41 Denise updated her status to say she's headed to Drag Bingo. She's gonna get there early. We have a severe storm passing between Goldsboro and Princeton. Highway 70 should be more fubar than usual. Fundermontz will likely suspend flights in and out of Goldsboro Regional.

4:46 Why would my FaceBook ad screen include a link for Scout Troop management?

4:48 News clip of building implosion in Charleston, West Virginia. I feel whole again.

4:50 Facebook says that Cathy finished her ab workout 35 minutes ago, and shortly thereafter, one of the Lauras finished her nap.

4:53 The next wave of storms is pulling towards Charlotte now. I make a Cuba Libre for the doom that is coming. Mind you, I live on the 11th floor of high rise. If it gets windy, I'll be roping my self to the couch.

4:57 Defensive Cuba Libre at the ready. Yeah, it's a double. Pausing briefly to post my whining about TSA on my blog.

5:01 McKinney tweets to warns us about possible warnings. I am warned.

5:24 TSA blog is posted. I expect some very special attention next week when I fly. Meanwhile, the spot regarding a proposed law to ban tying you dog to a tree all day airs again. People who want to decorate their yard with a dog tied to the tree should move to South Carolina.

5:31 Gary shows the rain moving to the north. Maybe I could take out the trash now. That sounds like a plan.

5:44 Trash handled. Found a pair of brown jeans in the dumpster. I'd benefit from having a pair of brown jeans. The tag said 32R. Those would be a little snug on me. Rode the elevator back up with a tired young man whose jeans bagged substantially. The back pockets were just behind his knees. I have no problem with baggy jeans, but it does seem to me that someone wanting to wear baggy jeans would figure a manner of doing so such that walking was possible.

5:51 Down east is wrapped up in tornado warnings. More importantly, a colleague just posted a note on FaceBook about OnStar planning to let us tweet from the car! It just doesn't get any better than that!

6:27 Nothing noteworthy yet on the weather front. I discussed eating mountain oysters on FaceBook. Denise called to ask about Drag Bingo and Legends. I linked with a colleague on Twitter, and then sent her a tweet. Most interesting, another colleague had a hard drive in her freezer, where it had been for the last 24 hours. She put it there on the advice of paid geeks who thought this might help the drive come back to life. I know that freezing your hose overnight before wearing them will make them more run resistant, and don't ask me how I know that, but I fail to see how freezing a hard drive controller could have a beneficial effect. By the way, the drive remains dead.

6:34 I watered my fairy garden on FaceBook.

6:52 Exceedingly humid. Were this summer with some real sun, we'd have some monster storms bearing down on us. Instead, I'm reading about umlauts at Wikipedia. You might wonder just why I'm doing that. The reason is that I was about to respond to a political post on FaceBook regarding our senator, Kay Hagan, and my post was going to be that I just can't get past the desire to add umlauts to her name. Yeah, I'll grow up one day.

7:06 Flying colleagues responded to the blog about the TSA. They agree that I'll meet a body cavity search next week at RDU.

7:51 Twittering all of a sudden. The weather is still calm. Boom! Big poof of wind through the window. Calm again. Got a colleague on Twitter trying to figure TweetBerry for her phone and FB2Twitter for her FaceBook page. Bracing myself for the most dangerous night on TV. We should have sharks on spring break tonight.

8:36 Colleague headed to Canada tomorrow has a sad tummy. She just received a ton of advice on FaceBook. I doubt it helps. I also left information about currency conversions and expense reports. And of course, there's the business of turning on the cell phone while there. Switching over to the Weather Channel for a minute.

8:50 Time for another Cuba Libre. Yes, and just HUSH! I know the rule regarding the lime, but I'm out of lime. Don't make me put celery in yours.

8:55 Two inches of rain per hour in Georgia. Wonder if that rain will get here? Cuba Libre at the ready.

9:01 Switching over to Sci Fi. The weather isn't doing it tonight. The show does not look like sharks on spring break, but the earth did crack and swallow a car and someone's mom.

9:18 So the flick is not about sharks at spring break eating hot chicks in the water. We have something about a comet that breaks apart, and some of those parts hit the earth. Substantially not well done.

9:27 So the earth moved, and the sun is ten degrees off now. I want sharks! Well, I do like watching the earth crack open, usually down the highway.

9:38 Switching back to the weather. Not enough weather to preempt the story on the space shuttle landing while the post office runs out of money. Here's Gary. It's the usual. I sound like I want him to make the weather more exciting. The radar shows all the red and yellow to the east of us. We just have rain. Yummy.

10:01 Dull flick. Dull weather. I should have done laundry. Actually, I should have finished up the last table in the report I'm writing, and then knocked out the humongous spreadsheet to go with it. Maybe tomorrow. I'm not sure working on Saturday night is an improvement over the dull flick and and weather. Besides, there'll be plenty of that all too soon.

10:21 Checking the Weather on the Ones. I see a public service announcement about safety during a tornado. Like the preflight safety announcement, I could recite it myself. Tonight's storm track is about 75 miles to the east. Mount Olive is about to have something to talk about. News 14 is fully staffed for possible weather. I hope they have an espresso machine. McKinney has rolled up his sleeves. Does he know how handsome he is?

10:53 Surf some sites. Week in review from ENC and the hard working people there. Op Ed pieces I should have written. Grateful for degrees of social networking on the net that mean we don't so much live in a vacuum. Oh, but for that human touch, if it is through a keyboard and screen.

11:13 I don't think my weakened heart can take much more of this. My pillow calls. Y'all have fun. I'm gonna go dream of something.


The Crow said...

With a few minor adjustments, your post sounds like it could have been my Sattidy night,

Enjoyed your post, Jim.


Jim Penny said...

Are we pathetic or what?